Stay At Home Mum Depression

Why when we are pregnant, we are warned of so many things. Do this, don’t do that. If you do this you will be ok, but don’t ever do that. We are taught so many things, how to look after our new baby, feed them, burp them, change them. But what about us? Why are we not taught how to cradle our own souls when it’s 4am and we’re up feeding for the 3rd time that night. Why are we not taught how to take care of ourselves after having a baby? Most people will read this and be baffled, but it’s true. Why are we not taught to care for ourselves after giving birth. You see there’s an elephant in the room that not many people talk about and that elephants name is “stay at home mum depression”

What is stay at home mum depression you ask? Well let me explain first hand as somebody who has and still is dealing with this every day.

When you’re pregnant, everybody is so excited. All your friends are saying they can’t wait for baby to meet his/her auntie & uncles. They can’t wait to meet baby, they’re going to be there every step of the way, they buy gifts and everything just feels so exciting. Then baby’s born. Suddenly those friends fade into the background one by one. All of a sudden nobody comes around anymore. Everybody has excuses. They have lost interest.

You start by feeling disheartened, you don’t really understand but you hope that you’re just over reacting and that they’ll turn up any day now to pay you and baby a visit. A week goes by, no friends, two weeks, no friends. They still text you rarely, but you no longer get invited anywhere. You’re no longer part of the jokes. Like they faded on you, to them you’ve completely faded into the back ground. It’s hard. Loneliness kicks in and suddenly you feel so alone, like you have nobody. It’s just you and your little bundle of joy. You love her, you love her more than anything in the world and you feel riddled with guilt from head to toe for feeling anything but pure happiness when you’ve just given birth to this beautiful little human.

As time goes on you begin to feel trapped. You’re stuck behind the same four walls day in day out. In the same routine. Just you and your baby. You feel like you’ve lost part of your identity. Your know longer known as you, your known as mum. And as lovely as it is to be a mum, sometimes your body just aches to be called by your real name by a familiar voice, at least just once.

You start to get lazy, you don’t go anywhere so you no longer make an effort with yourself. You stay in your pyjamas and dressing gown, keep your hair in a messy bun/pony tail and spend your days over thinking about what life what like before and why it’s so different now. You don’t understand. How Can everybody who was excited disappear and no longer care? They’re my friends. Why would they do this? Do they hate me now? Who wants to hang out with a person whose constantly covered in baby sick. So many questions tick round in your head. You feel SO worthless and SO alienated. You’re trapped, trapped inside this life of been a mum and only a mum. Your no longer you, you’re just mum. You feel parts of your personality deteriorate and when you look in the mirror you notice your eyes don’t shine as bright as they used to.

But you love your little person, you love your little person more than life itself but GOD FORBID a mother needs a break from time to time, why is it so frowned up on? Mothers going out and enjoying themselves. I watch them with envy. One night to do what I want? I can only wish. My nights revolve around bubble baths and bed time stories and also making 9 glasses of water a night because my child insists she’s thirsty a thousand times before she will actually go to sleep.

I don’t really have many tips to dealing with SAHMD, it’s something that I’m still dealing with even more so now after loosing my job earlier this year and falling back into the same routine. But one thing that I did find helped make the days easier was breaking the routine. Even if you just do one thing differently to what you would normally do any other day. Do something you enjoy. Take five minutes to breath, remember that excitement when you first saw your baby’s scan picture. Read a book, drink a coffee, listen to your favourite music and remind yourself that you are still YOU. Yes you’re mum, first and for most you will always be mum. But you’re still YOU. You still have a life and you still deserve to be loved.

Remember, you may feel Like everything is pointless and your trapped inside a life you dont know how to break free from. But one day all of this is going to be worth it. Because your little bundle of joy, will grow up and realise that his/her mummy did everything she possible could to overcome and obstacle to give him/her the best life possible.

Stay Strong Mammas ❤️

If anybody is going through this or knows somebody who is, I’m always here for a chat. Just leave a way for me to contact you in the comments and we can talk!

Parenting Fails #1

Hello everyone! Hope you are all ok and doing well. My last couple of blog posts have been rather serious, so why not have a little fun this time? In these series of blog posts I’ll be spilling the beans on all my hilarious parenting fails, alongside parenting fails that I didn’t do, but somebody else did that I find hilarious! I hope you enjoy, let me know your funniest parenting fail in the comments!

This dad had me in tears with laughter when he sent his daughter to nursery without a top under her dungarees! Parenting fail or what! Hilarious!

Parenting fails, all us mums and dads have definitely experienced a few throughout the years. The majority of them are hilarious, so why not share them?

A recent parenting fail I had which left me absolutely mortified (but I can’t help but laugh at now) was when me and my daughter had guests over last week. My sister had recently been on a seaside holiday to Bridlington and had brought me back a sugar dummy. But not just any sugar dummy, this is my sister we’re talking about. So of course, it was a sugar dummy in the shape of a penis. A little wrinkly willy. Now most of you can probably guess what happened. But for those who can’t, here goes. The willy shaped rock/sugar dummy had been hidden on my living room shelf behind a picture since I had it bought for me, but knowing my guests (and their nosiness) I knew straight away it had to be moved. So, instead of been clever about it and putting it somewhere never to be found, I stashed it at the back of the great cupboard knowing that the only people who go in that cupboard is me and my daughter. I didn’t really think anything of it if I’m honest, my daughter wasn’t supposed to be going into the treat cupboard until after dinner that night. Anyway, imagine the scene. Me and my guests sat in the living room, nice cup of tea in hand, having a good old catch up whilst the kids played in the next room. The kids came into the living room after around half an hour of playing we was all happy and enjoying our night. Then I noticed a look on one of my visitors faces, she was gob smacked and her face was turning Redder by the second. I had no idea what was going on at this point as my eyes darted around the room trying to notice whatever the hell it was that she was so mortified by. Then I see it. And not only is her face red, mine is as red as it has ever been. I could feel my skin flushing and my nervous heat rash spreading across my chest. My 6 year old daughter, my sweet little innocent baby girl was absolutely devouring the cock rock. How did she find it. How did she open it and why on earth hadn’t the lady who noticed before me told me instead of just sitting there like a fart in a trance! It wasn’t long till all the other guests realised as I jumped up and wrestled with her to get this penis shaped lollipop out of her mouth and in the bin! I was MORTIFIED. Luckily, to my surprised after the look on the poor woman’s face when she realised, she set off historically laughing which the others followed. They laughed and laughed till their faces were pink and they had tears streaming down their faces. Me on the other hand, I nervously laughed along but deep down I wanted the whole ground to swallow me up. I don’t think I have ever felt embarrassment like it! So that’s my recent parenting fail! Do you have any?

Social Anxiety vs The School Run

Something I would like to talk about on my blog is how social anxiety or general anxiety disorder can have such an affect on you enjoying the little moments of parenthood.

yep that’s right, never achieved it!

Before my anxiety was as much of a problem as it now is the school run was the favourite part of my day, especially when it was time to pick her up. There was nothing I loved more than seeing her little face light up as she ran towards me and gave me the biggest hug!
I loved to hear all about the things she had learned that day and all the little stories she had to tell. We spoke all the way home about who her new friends was,about how much she loved her teacher and what she had for lunch.
It was amazing to see my little girl so enthusiastic and full of joy, it used to excite me knowing it was almost time to pick her up!

oh how I wish I could go back to them days

The school run for me is no longer full of happiness, laughter and conversation. Instead it’s filled with rushing, panicking, fear and guilt.
I over think and worry so much about picking her up from school the moment I drop her off, when I have just about calmed myself down from the morning school run. You see, I no longer love it. Don’t get me wrong I love to see her pretty little face and giving her the biggest hug. However the panic I feel and the way my whole body starts to shake as I walk towards the school gate has managed to suck all the joy out of it for me.

I shouldn’t have to feel like this, the school run should be fun and enjoyable, just like it used to be. I shouldn’t have to sit and worry about doing one small task like the school run for hours each day until I make myself feel physically sick at the thought of having to leave my home.
For a long time I felt like I was the only person in the world to feel this way. I felt like I was being a terrible mum and my body was riddled from head to toe with guilt. See when this all started, I didn’t really understand mental health and how badly it can affect your life. I just assumed I was being weird or I was just very very socially awkward.I would lay in bed at night and cry because I felt so devastated that when she ran towards me and greeted me with that huge loving smile and warm hug, I didn’t greet her with the same excitement that I used to. No matter how hard I tried to. I was so petrified that the way I felt and my anxieties would rub off on my daughter and she would no longer look forward to seeing me pick her up every day.
As the years have passed and the school run has still, to this day being one of the most challenging parts of my day, I’m slowly learning to cope with the fear and put on a brave face for my girl. Some days it is worse than others and some days i can feel fine.
Social Anxiety is not something that you can control and it isn’t something you should ever ever feel guilty for having. I’ve learned now that I have no control over it and all I can do is focus on getting myself better, slowly but surely.
If you’re suffering from any kind of anxiety or mental health, you have to remember that it does NOT make you a bad parent and it is something that you CAN over come but it takes time and help.
My biggest piece of advice is to please make sure you get help and if you’re too afraid to ask for help from a professional then PLEASE speak to a loved one or a friend. I know that it’s easier said than done, but talking about how I feel is something that I feel has helped me more than anything, though it’s been tough at times.
I really wanted to make this blog post because I know what it’s like to feel like you’re the only person in the world who feels this way. You’re not. Infact you would be shocked to know how many parent actually suffer with this on a daily basis. But you WILL beat this and you will find your strength again.
if anybody ever wants to speak and is too afraid to reach out to somebody they personally know please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment with a way I can message you and I’ll be happy to speak with you about it and hopefully try and bring you some kind of peace of mind.

Love, Health & HappinessBeth xx

Don’t suffer in silence, speak to somebody x

Christmas Struggles?

First of all, i would like to wish everybody a very merry Christmas. I know technically it isn’t Christmas yet as it’s only the 10th, but for me Christmas starts in November! For me, Christmas is all about whose around the table and not what’s under the tree. Of course gifts are nice, but who you have around you is more important than any present will be. My favourite part of Christmas is the festive spirit, everybody is so full of joy and happiness and for once the world seems at peace. The Christmas songs, The lights, the food, the love. Although, whatever happened to Christmas carollers? I haven’t seen any for years! Is that still a thing?? Although Christmas is usually such a wonderful time, I can’t deny that there has been some year’s I haven’t wanted Christmas to exists. As a parent, all you want is to give your child anything they want and to give them the most magical Christmas ever, but what happens when you have no money?I have been in a situation where I have had next to nothing to do my daughters Christmas shopping and I’m not going to lie it completely broke me. I have never felt like such a failure in all my life. It came the year I lost my job and struggled to find a new job revolving around the school hours in time for Christmas. My daughter was 4 at the time and I almost feel like I still try to make it up to her every year. No parent should have to feel like that at Christmas, especially when our children are so innocent and appreciate everything we give to them. But it happens, and it’s hard. I would like to share some tips on how to make a couple of extra pounds during the festive period (or all year round if you want to). Firstly I’d like to share a website I found recently, I stumbled across it whilst browsing online and if I’m honest I was sceptical. I didn’t expect good quality or decent items for such a cheap price, but I was pleasantly surprised after placing an order for my little girl last week. The items was fantastic, just like what you would see if any normal, over priced toy store, only a hell of a lot cheaper.! So if you’re struggling this Christmas and you’re really trying to make ends meet as well as please your little people you really should check them out! They sell such a wide range of toys and products, you’ll definitely find something your little monsters will love! Most items are £1, but it ranges throughout the different products, still though everything I bought was a fraction of the price from the local toy shops. They also offer Free delivery over £25 too. If you want to make a few extra pounds before Christmas, i recommend trying some survey apps. But avoid the ones with a cash out limit, trust me they take forever. I have used a few of these before and I wasn’t disappointed. My 2 favourite are Curious Cat and Qmee which are both available to download on the AppStore. These apps definitely won’t make you rich quickly, but if you have free time throughout your day why not earn a few quid by giving your honest opinion on products, situations etc. You can cash your money straight out into your PayPal too, which is amazing compared to some over surgery apps I tried. I genuinely like these 2 apps as a pass time too, some of the questions and surveys can be pretty interesting.My next tip for you to make a couple of extra pounds before Christmas is a little app/website called Shpock. Some of you may have already heard of this as it’s becoming more and more popular. Shpock is basically a car boot sale app. You sell your household items that you don’t need anymore and people local buy them! It can be anything from children’s old toys, books, clothes, furniture, footwear, literally anything. You can have the person who buys your item collect from you too, so non of the faffing around with postage and packaging. I use Shpock literally daily and so far I’ve made quite a bit getting rid of my old junk that was just laying around collecting dust! Those are just a couple of tips I have that helped me make that little bit extra when I was having a really hard time a couple of Christmas’s ago. If you are struggling, I know that it feels like the end of the world and you feel like your child or family are going to have the worse Christmas ever, but please believe me, they’re not. Christmas isn’t just about what you buy for them or how much you spend of them, Christmas is about being around them, presence over presents! If anybody is really struggling and need somebody to talk to or maybe some advice, send me a private message on Instagram @mumlifeandmee I’m always available to talk to anybody who may need a chat. Christmas comes once a year, enjoy it, embrace it but don’t let it beat you up. I hope whoever is reading this (if anybody even is) has the most magical Christmas, filled with happiness, love and laughter.

Merry Christmas!

Love, health & happinessBeth xx

An Introduction To Me

Hello! I thought I’d do a little introduction to me. Most of you know about my blog or my mumlifeandmee instagram or Twitter but nobody actually knows anything about me. Sometime as a parent I get so wrapped up in being “mum” that it’s easy for me to forget who I am for a moment or two. So allow me to introduce myself properly. My names Beth, I’m 23 years old and I was born and raised in West Yorkshire, England, where I still live now. I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter who I have raised alone since the day she was born, just the two of us live together in a typical semi-detached 3 bedroom house. We love our home. I have 6 tattoos, I only like one of them. I love music. My favourite way to relax is with my headphones on full volume and my playlist on shuffle. I genuinely don’t know what I would do without music.  I love to write, hence starting a blog. Although I must admit I’m not really sure what I’m doing BUT I’m excited to learn and hopefully grow and share my life with you all. You’re probably going to read this and think “why on earth are you trying to become a blogger, you’re terrible at it” and honestly I agree! But give me time, I’m new, I’ll learn. I wanted to make this blog to share my life as a mum but also my life as a mum whilst dealing with mental health. Not to worry tho, I promise my blog won’t all be doom and gloom as I will definitely be sharing some of my funniest parenting moments. Parenting fails, parenting hacks. And just general day to day stuff about my crazy rollercoaster of a life! So buckle up and join me on this journey as I try my very hardest to become somewhat a successful blogger, or at least a blogger that a couple of people read!